I am a fixer. If you have a problem, I want to help you with it. Sometimes this is appropriate and sometimes it is not. Today I learned of a situation where I tried to offer a solution when I should have kept my mouth shut 😯. I gave out information that I was privy to before I had permission to do so. In doing that, I hurt the feelings of one person and put another person in a difficult and awkward conversation. I wish I could take back my words that were spoken carelessly, but time travel hasn't been successfully invented yet (except in Back to the Future) so I must deal with the consequences of my actions.
You may be wondering why I am confessing my sins on this Health and Soul Fitness blog. Stay with me - I am getting there.
When I realized my actions had hurt another person, I felt awful and I wanted to remedy that. I am on the Whole 30 plan, which recommends no snacking. I am a snacker/grazer, so this is a tough one for me. But part of the reason for doing Whole 30 is to overcome unhealthy relationships with food, and snacking for me falls in that category. What do you think I wanted to do when I felt badly and I couldn't make everyone else feel good? GRAB A SNACK 🍎🍩🍒! Was I hungry? Not really. It just seemed helpful/distracting to put food in my mouth. I grabbed some walnuts. They are Whole 30 compliant, so why not? Because I wanted food for emotional reasons, not physical! I paused to consider what was going on. Would the walnuts make me feel better? No. They would meet a physical need, which is not what I had. Would they distract me? Yes, until they were gone. Then I would be left with extra calories and the same emotions I had before.
I always say Physical Fitness is a Journey. It has its ups and downs. Soul Fitness is a journey also. At my age it feels like I should have arrived. But we are always growing, mentally, physically, and spiritually. If we aren't, then we are probably digressing in those areas. My steps of growth are messy. Sometimes I have 5 steps forward and 1 step back. Other days I seem to have 1 step forward and 3 steps back.
I have confessed my wrongs to God and the people involved. Now I have to forgive myself and move on, while being willing to accept the consequences of my actions. Let's be honest, chips and guacamole 🥑still sound like they would make me feel better. Self-awareness is hard. But I feel at peace for having acknowledged the truth about my relationship with food, and I am looking forward to taking another growth step forward.
Thanks for sharing the journey with me. Hopefully you get to take another step forward today by learning from my steps backwards. 😄